It’s that time of year again, you god damn degenerates….Time for Drew Prucha to pull his clubs out of the attic and dust them off 5 minutes prior to Week 1. Time for the Snow Pigs Dorks to put the snowmobiles and “sleddy talk” away for next year. Time for Jack to make his pilgrimage back to the great white north.
Before continuing, the IT Nerd has a few announcements:
- As El Commish has informed the IT Nerd, we have one casualty over the winter: Sean Mott. I for one would like to wish him the best and look forward to hopefully seeing on the course as a sub this year.
- Congrats to Dan Mahar and Marty Donegan for climbing out of the sewers of Flight 3 and claiming a spot in Flight 2. Yes Flight 3 guys,I called your flight the sewer…fucking deal with it, pansies.
- Last but not least, congrats to Jon Carroll on climbing out from his troll dwelling under the bridge on #18 to claim a spot in Flight 1. Seems like yesterday Jon claimed two of the three worst performances in TBO history (62 and 61 back to back). All $5,925,682.74 you spent on lessons has paid off!
Enough with all the nice crap, lets get down to the matter at hand: The fucking TBO Draft. While the IT Nerd will not be putting out his Big Board like Mr. Kiper, I will be providing you with 40 yd dash times, Vertical jumps and golf statistics. In no particular order, here’s who available in the 2016 TBO Draft
Tom “T-Bird” Phillips
Vitals – 40 Yd Dash: 7.93s, Vertical Jump: 18″
Highest and Lowest Finish – 2nd (2008), 14th (2010)
Pros – Dependable to play his matches, die hard Syracuse fan
Cons – Fingers go in 8 different directions, loves the KC Royals, member of Snow Pigs Dorks
IT Nerd Analysis – If T-Bird can get through his early season struggles, particularly on the front (33% win percentage), he typically finishes the year very strong (57% win percentage). Projected Pick: #2
DJ Mahar
Vitals – 40 Yd Dash: 6.98s, Vertical Jump: 21″
Highest and Lowest Finish – Champion (2014, 2012), 13th (2011)
Pros – Potential to shoot 36 on any given day, mental edge to seal championships
Cons – Potential to shoot 50 on any given day, Buffalo Bills fan, member of Snow Pigs Dorks
IT Nerd Analysis – Championship material, folks. In 3 of the past 4 years, DJ has won or finished second. DJ gets out of the gates very strong. While his win % tapers off as the year goes on, if a team can absorb the lackluster performance down the stretch, its a great pick. Rings matter more than win %’s, anyway. Projected Pick: #1
Drew Prucha
Vitals – 40 Yd Dash: 17.22s, Vertical Jump: -4″
Highest and Lowest Finish – Champion (2013), 16th (2011)
Pros – Can select an excellent Ragu sauce, “nothing to lose” mentality
Cons – His minivan can sometimes be confused for a child molester van
IT Nerd Analysis – Drew is a slow starter, picks up steam in the middle sessions, then fades away. Maybe if he swing a club for the first time prior to Week 1, he might shake some of that early season rust. Projected Pick: #5
Bill John
Vitals – 40 Yd Dash: 7.88s, Vertical Jump: 18″
Highest and Lowest Finish – Champion? (2015), 2nd (2014)
Pros – Plays well without the use of modern clubs, shows promise of consistently high finishes
Cons – uses subs frequently
IT Nerd Analysis – While Bill John’s displays on the course leave little doubt as to his talent, the questions surrounding his ability to actually get to the golf course. GM’s tell me this will likely have an impact on his draft stock. Projected Pick: #12
Jack Donegan
Vitals – 40 Yd Dash: 13.12s, Vertical Jump: 10″
Highest and Lowest Finish – 9th (2011), 15th (2013)
Pros – Has seen it all and done it all on a golf course, will be coming from spring training in Florida
Cons – Used to manicured Florida greens, not the Tanner Valley crab grass.
IT Nerd Analysis – Jack is a crafty veteran who will have more holes of golf in by March than some of us get in all year. Jack earns the bulk of his points in the middle of the year on his preferred side (front) when Syracuse warms up to Florida temps. If a team can live with a sub for the first few weeks while Jack settles back to the frozen tundra, this would be a value pick. Projected Pick: #9
Dale Russell
Vitals – 40 Yd Dash: 7.08s, Vertical Jump: 15″
Highest and Lowest Finish – 2nd (20090), Last (2014)
Pros – In better shape than 90% of the league, knows every course nuance by walking his rounds
Cons – Hates projects managers (we hate you too Dale),
IT Nerd Analysis – Dale’s Win %’s decline as the year progresses, but he’s dangerous on the front early to mid year. If Dale’s partners are slow starters, he may be a good pick to support the team early on. Projected Pick: #6
Chris “El Commish” Donegan
Vitals – 40 Yd Dash: 8.43s, Vertical Jump: 10″
Highest and Lowest Finish – Champion (2015), Last (2014)
Pros – only man with Perfect Attendance in the entire TBO History, coming off hot streak in 2015,
Cons – loves to snap hook drives, drinks Coors Light, lays up twice before the creek on #3
IT Nerd Analysis – El Commish is coming off an unprecedented “last-to-first” finish in 2015. Chris performs better in the first third of the year, so a team may be willing to take those early points if they can provide support on the backend. Projected Pick: #4
Matt Lochner
Vitals – 40 Yd Dash: 6.79s, Vertical Jump: 8″
Highest and Lowest Finish – 2nd (2013), 16th (2011)
Pros – Can still down that Coqui 900 that costs $1.25 at Bob’s Beverage Baron, knowledge of SU recruiting is astonishing
Cons – Does not perform well on the back 9, can’t beat Jon Carroll
IT Nerd Analysis – Matt’s finishing positions have been increasing the last few years, so he might be due for a breakthrough. Scouts point to his weakness on the back 9 as a serious drawback. Teams will have to carry Matt during the middle portions of the year, while he provides supports on the start and finish. Projected Pick: #3
Mike Burns
Vitals – 40 Yd Dash: 8.79s, Vertical Jump: 13″
Highest and Lowest Finish – N/A
Pros – Helped Jon Carroll/DJ Mahar into a position where they contended for the title in 2015
Cons – An unknown commodity
IT Nerd Analysis – Little is known of this golfer other than his performance as a super-sub for the Carroll/Mahar team. He’s earned a 6-4-3 record over the years and will be slotted in Sean Mott’s old spot. His wildcard status drops him in the draft. Projected Pick: #11
Rick “Fabulous” Fanto
Vitals – 40 Yd Dash: 8.33s, Vertical Jump: 7″
Highest and Lowest Finish – 5th (2013), Last (2015)
Pros – Expert knowledge on car washing/waxing, rolls a mean frame
Cons – never finished higher than 5th place,
IT Nerd Analysis – Rick is a TBO veteran having played in every season since 2008. Rick is a classic TBO slow starter. Teams who have hot starters should consider him to carry the load at the end of the year as the more glamorous picks go by. Projected Pick: #7
Daniel Mahar
Vitals – 40 Yd Dash: 8.34s, Vertical Jump: 13″
Highest and Lowest Finish – 5th (2014), 15th (2012)
Pros – Will close down the bar with you, may fight Kevin K., Yankee fan
Cons – not know for high team finishes, potential rookie learning curve in Flight 2
IT Nerd Analysis – Dan’s scores have indicated a higher individual performance, but his team positions don’t suggest improvement. Performs better on the front than the back, teams should be mindful if Dan gets into a mid-season slump that could derail the entire season. Large unknown if Dan can produce the same results in Flight 2. Projected Pick: #10
Martin P. Donegan
Vitals – 40 Yd Dash: 27.65s, Vertical Jump: None registered. Machine broke from seismic activity when Marty landed. Estimated at .53″
Highest and Lowest Finish – Champion (2010), Last (2014)
Pros – Can eat a chicken wing faster than the time it took you to read “Can eat a chicken wing…”, owns the Florida Ruby Tuesday record for most wings eaten in one sitting (74 – I was a witness), clutch play displayed on final hole of 2010 Championship Round
Cons – If Marty gets into “dippin’ my shoulder” mode, scores skyrocket, can be heard anywhere on the course after a shank with the familiar “OH NOOOOO!!”
IT Nerd Analysis – While Marty struggled in 2011 and 2012 after his 2010 crown, 2014 saw him bounce back and move up to Flight 2. Marty racks up higher Win %’s as the year goes on, so a team of slow starters should look elsewhere. GM’s tell me they expect the Flight 2 pack to chew Marty up and toss him out the car window like Marty’s to-go order of wings. Projected Pick: #8
SEE YOU HOMOS SATURDAY
IT NERD
