Has Winter finally passed? Did we go from the 40’s in Week 1 to now constant mid-70’s?
What a time to be alive for the IT Nerd: New Game of Thrones series coming, New Lord of the Rings series coming, lots of Star Wars stuff (Obi-Wan Kenobi series, Mandalorian season 3, Asohka series started shooting) and James Arthur Boeheim still around to ruin my hopes of a successful basketball season. Now all I need is my anime pillow and some hentai porn (don’t google hentai, you old bastards….you don’t want that in your browser history)
First, my apologies on the delay in getting this preview out. You see, there’s this group of people that give me money for performing tasks for them. Lately, they’ve given me more tasks to do. So while 87% of the league can tee off at 2 pm, some of us still have tasks to do at “work”. The audacity of these employers…..Don’t they know The Bar is Open?!
Anywho, my delays with work actually turned out not to line up perfectly with our special guest. Turns out, his availability was even a bit more limited than mine. What I was stunned by was his eagerness to talk with us. As if he had been following us for years and knows us so well….or has a crack-shot intelligence outfit supported by multiple nations.
Wow, Ukranian President Volodymyr Zelensky! Mr. President, sir, it is a pleasure and an honor to be talking with you. While you might be fluent in multiple languages, sir, us here at TBO aren’t quite as fluent in Ukranian.
Well, nice to see you maintaining a smile and ball-busting amongst it all. Tell me Mr. Zelensky, how did you get to be a fan of TBO Golf?
That is a good question, Mr. President. We received a tip that Vladimir Putin was secretly listening in to TBO conversations so that he could gauge the mood of average Americans. Therefore, in consultation with the CIA, NSA and FBI, we decided to put the show out in video only format. I think you can understand the need to protect ourselves from unwanted surveillance. Lord knows that how all those Russian Generals are getting blown the fuck away!
So Mr. President, I know your time is valuable, so how would you like to approach this year’s preview? I’ll defer to you as to how you want to do this.
Well, that escalated quickly. While I don’t think any TBO members will be doing much fighting in Ukraine, I would be curious to hear how you would deploy these teams to help support the war effort in Ukraine. Let’s start with our first team, shall we? The team of TJ Donegan, Matt Lochner, Mike Costello?
Cannon Fodder? That’s an interesting choice for a Squad Code Name. Why Cannon Fodder?
OK, I can see your point on the Cannon Fodder, but that’s not really displaying skills they possess. We still haven’t talked about how you are going to provide a score for each team.
Volodymyr Zelensky Team Bayraktar Rating: (1/5)
Maybe we could try this again with the next team of DJ Mahar, Jim Morgan and Bob Zaleski?
Kool-aid, that’s interesting. Can you elaborate on what you see this team does for you?
Volodymyr Zelensky Team Bayraktar Rating: (3/5)
Interesting, Mr. President. It seems like you’ve been playing very close attention to the league indeed! What skills to you see the next group bringing to the war effort in Ukraine? This would be the team of Merritt Daniels, Chris Donegan and Paul Daniels.
OK, Distract and Destroy sounds pretty cool, I can get down with that. How did you come up with the name “Distract and Destroy”?
Volodymyr Zelensky Team Bayraktar Rating: (5/5):
That is an impressive use of the skills of TBO members. Sounds like you are expecting big things out of Paul Daniels with his switch to the Gold Tees and the use of his swearing skills. Let’s shift focus to our next team of Pat Donahue, Pat Mooney and Marty Donegan?
Irish Assassins? This sounds deadly, like a sophisticated, well trained group of killers. How do you see this squad being used?
Volodymyr Zelensky Team Bayraktar Rating: (4/5):
I thought I saw a series of chicken wings embedded into trees on the drive home from Tanner. Who knew Marty was actually practicing this deadly art all along! How about our next team of Connor Brown, Drew Prucha and Jon Carroll?
Volodymyr Zelensky Team Bayraktar Rating: (4/5):
That is an incredible use of the teams skills. I feel for those poor souls trapped on the island without proper edibles. I’ve seen on social media a lot of posts where Ukrainian soldiers are stealing Russian equipment. Any plans to use a team to help in that effort?
Volodymyr Zelensky Team Bayraktar Rating: (3/5):
Having been on the receiving end of a few of those guffaws, I can understand how they could render a soldier unconscious. Mr. President, I see the last few squads are about dealing with Russians already in Ukraine. Don’t you have any plans to take the fight to the Russians? Any deep, covert actions?
Volodymyr Zelensky Team Bayraktar Rating: (2/5):
I am simply blow away that you have learned so much about these TBO golfers just from watching and hearing us on the Tanner Valley bar camera. I think one team operating behind enemy lines is enough. How about outlining how you might use the team of Devin Carrigan, Rick Fanto and Joe Donegan?
Volodymyr Zelensky Team Bayraktar Rating: (4/5):
I would hate to the be person on the receiving end of a Joe Donegan combination…vicious combinations of lefts and rights has put people on the ground. Nearly as dazzling as his breakdance moves….nearly. I’ve heard a lot of how you would use TBO to help fight the war effort. Is there a use for the teams other than going after Russian soldiers?
Oh, so you have a team to potentially negotiate a peace settlement! I think this might be most important team you have. How do you see them helping to deliver peace in Ukraine?
Volodymyr Zelensky Team Bayraktar Rating: (2/5)
Sounds like that negotiation team isn’t going to help, but is actually going to make the conflict worse! If you can’t resolve this through peaceful negotiation, how do you intend to win the war?
Wow, I would be scared shitless if John Mooney was staring at me like that. I think the Russian soldiers would just die of fright at this point! No wonder the Russians would surrender after being faced by this!
Volodymyr Zelensky Team Bayraktar Rating: (3/5)
So Mr. President, we’ve now utilized most of the TBO Golf league to win the war in Ukraine, what’s next? How do you start to rebuild your country?
Volodymyr Zelensky Team Bayraktar Rating: (2/5)
That’s an impressive plan, Mr. President. You’ve managed to utilize 11 out of the 12 teams from TBO. We’re just missing one team and understanding how you would use them. That’s the team of the IT Nerd (Mike Carroll), Dan Mahar, and Bill Kirkby. Your thoughts, Mr. President?
Volodymyr Zelensky Team Bayraktar Rating: (3/5)
MR. PRESIDENT!! I think I speak for my entire team when I say we are not useless. Bill might be an emotional wreck after the B’s get bounced, but we can help.
Ok, what is it, Mr. President?
YOU GOT IT, MR. PRESIDENT!! And thank you for your time, best of luck in the war!!
IT Nerd
