Ahhhhh, that special time of year. The winter snows have melted revealing all the leaves that you never raked up last year. Winter #2 of COVID challenged TBO in ways never seen, but I suspect the most challenging aspect with this lot will be the struggle to fit into golf clothes after a winter of Blue Lights and chicken wings.
While the IT Nerd will be sharing in that joint struggle, we searched high and low for a guest star who is familiar with the dolts from TBO. In the past, we’ve had former President Trump and even the Coronavirus provide commentary. This year was looking to be the first year without a guest star, but we were stunned to find that a guest star had reached out to us. Search over, let’s get to the preview!
IT Nerd: So Mr. Mystery Guest, we’re all interested to know why you reached out to TBO and wanted to help with the season preview?
Mystery Guest: Thanks for the time here, Nerd. Listen, I wanted to help because I’ve heard TBO talking about me for the last 40 years. Every year, I hear it all….Blah Blah Blah! I’ve even got to the point where I recognize these constant complainers on the street!
IT Nerd: Wow, so Mr. Mystery Guest, you are saying that you’ve got some knowledge on the people who make up the greatest golf league in CNY?
Mystery Guest: I think that’s fair. One day while seeking to identify these complainers, I asked myself: “Mystery Guest, if I lived a miserable existence in CNY, where would I play golf?” Turns out, Tanner Valley was the answer. Home of the mutant horseflies, mystery pond sludge and ball washer towels from 1983. I hired the case-busting team over at Probe Services to identify most of the sad sacks who played there. Turns out there was a heavy cluster of complainers who played every Thursday. The crack-shot staff at Probe provided me with lots of details about your personal lives.
IT Nerd: Not exactly the best way to start this relationship Mystery Guest, but we’ll go forward anyway. Rather than revealing yourself, why don’t you give us some of your favorite memories to see if we can guess who you are?
Mystery Guest:
IT Nerd: OK, these are some big hints. A lot of your memories revolve around SU Basketball as does most of this town. Maybe you can provide us with some more information. What’s the smartest thing you’ve ever done?
Mystery Guest:
IT Nerd: AH, I know who it is! It’s Coach Blowheim! Coach, Coach, Coach…as many of us marvel at the beauty of Juli, is that really the smartest thing you’ve ever done?
Coach Boeheim:
IT Nerd: I thought that was the case, Jim! Smartest thing you’ve ever done indeed! Now that we know who our mystery guest is for this year, Jim, are you ready to start looking at the team’s and provide predictions?
Coach Boeheim: Oh, you bet IT Nerd! I was amazed at the accuracy of the information that Probe Services provided to me
IT Nerd: Alright coach, let’s start with the first team of Dale Russell, Rick Fanto and Denny Welch! You’re thoughts coach?
IT Nerd: Those are some interesting thoughts coach, but what do you think of this team’s chances? How would you rate them?
Coach: We’ve got our own rating system here in the Boeheim household. We use the Boeheim Booger rating system. I give this team two out of five Boeheim Boogers. No chance they finish higher than mid-table.
IT Nerd: Wow Coach, that is a pretty interesting system you’ve got there. I think everyone in town has seen you mining those nostrils on multiple occasions. How about our next team up of TJ Donegan, John Mooney and Paul Daniels?
IT Nerd: I hate to burst your bubble, but TJ Donegan was not The Dome Ranger. I dare not think what else was found in Paul’s browsing history. I suspect there are more than a few back-alley sites. How would you rate this team, Coach?
Coach: As much as I love the superfan TJ “Dome Ranger” Donegan, I don’t see this team making a run to the top. This team gets three Boeheim Boogers.
IT Nerd: OK Coach, how about this next team of DJ Mahar, Chris Donegan and Mike Burns?
Boeheim verdict: If DJ can wire up that swing and Mike Burns performs like a Flight 2 golfer in Flight 3, this team could be deadly come tournament time. 4/5 Boeheim Booger rating.
IT Nerd: Interesting rating, Coach. I agree that Mike Burns is going to be key to this team. How about the next team of Mike Carroll, Marty Donegan and Bob Moran?
Coach:
Boeheim verdict: Could this team be a threat? Yes, the potential is there. Are all three players going to live up to that potential? Probably not, but that’s why you play the games! 3/5 Boeheim Boogers
IT Nerd: Hey! My stories aren’t that boring…….ok, yes they are. I’ve seen Double-Wing Donegan in action and you definitely want to keep your hands and feet clear of his eating zone. It’s like looking at those wind-up chattering teeth. On to the next team of Craig Hawkinson, Sean Mott and Bill Kirkby. Coach, your thoughts?
Coach:
Boeheim verdict: I think this team is primed for a shot at the title. Bill is gonna strap this team to his back and take them high into the standings. 4/5 Boeheim Boogers
IT Nerd: Another contender, eh Coach? I agree, Bill’s move to the gold tees is very important. Bob Zaleski made the same switch last year and was undefeated for a big stretch of the season because of it. How about the next team up – Steve Donegan, Mike Shanahan and Pat Cregg?
Coach:
Boeheim verdict: Enjoy the weather, the beers and the local flora because the golf will be ugly. 1/5 Boeheim Boogers
IT Nerd: Tough verdict on Cregger, Coach. Some might even call Mike Carroll deadweight seeing as he’s never won it. What a complete loser that guy is, amiright?! Anyway, on to the next team – Dan Kane, Dan Mahar and Mike Mahar.
Boeheim verdict:: If Dan Kane keeps his quota reasonable and Dan Mahar cleans up in skins (again), could be very dangerous team. 3/5 Boeheim Boogers
IT Nerd: I agree on Kane. He started to figure out how to play Tanner towards the end of the year, but high quotas are a risky proposition. Shall we continue, Coach? Next up is the team of Merritt Daniels, Matt Lochner and Tom Donegan?
Thanks to Probe, they dug up an early interaction Merritt Daniels and I had. There’s even video evidence, click on the photo! Look at that athleticism on display, wow!
Boeheim verdict: This team will be near the top if Merritt is able to stay above .500. Look for this team to be in the conversation at the end of the year. 4/5 Boeheim Boogers
IT Nerd: Wow, KIX-FM, that takes me back! Who didn’t have a hoop like that growing up, either? Thanks for that, Coach. So next up is the team of Dickie, Brian “Figs” Thayer and Joseph “Jaguar” Donegan – your thoughts on their changes?
Boeheim Verdict: While Joey can only get better and Dickie will be fine, new guys always struggle their first year in the league and this year will be no different. 3/5 Boeheim Boogers
IT Nerd: I agree on the new guy, Coach. Historically, new guys in the league have not had good records and this team might run into that challenge. We’re starting to come close to the end here, Coach. How about the team of Devin, Drew Prucha, Bob Zaleski?
Boeheim verdict: Devin will do well in Flight 1, but the team’s fortunes will be based on how Bob does….and it depends on Drew not watching my VHS anymore and actually practicing. 3/5 Boeheim Boogers
IT Nerd: Interesting Coach. I might have given them a 4/5 Boeheim Boogers, but Bob’s quota has settled in with him being a gold tee regular. Second to last team, thoughts on Connor Brown, Jim Morgan and Jon Carroll?
Coach: These motherfuckers…..God, if there was one team that I can’t stand in TBO, it’s this team. Where do I even start?
Connor Brown looks like he’s one of these local losers who calls into Brent Axe way too much like Pat from Liverpool. “Yes, Connor from Loserville, go ahead, you’re On The Block”….Good luck with that 17 quota, jerk-face
Boeheim Verdit: I despise this team and I’m going to get fired up about this….
…now that I’m more calm, let me render my verdict. I think this team has what it takes to get the job done. Connor will do well in Flight 1, Jon’s foray into Flight 3 will yield good results. The question is can Jim Morgan do enough in Flight 2? I think so. 5/5 Boeheim Boogers
IT Nerd: My word, Coach. Those are some strong feelings about that team! I certainly agree with you, this is a team to watch. Very little downside to this team. And here we are at last….the final team. Pat Donahue, Pat Mooney and Jeff Raus.
Coach:
Boeheim verdict: I’d rather drink creek water sludge than be on this team, but would love drinking beers with this team all day! Hit me with a Joey impression, Raus!! “hhhhhiiiiiiiiiii…” 2/5 Boeheim Boogers
IT Nerd: Well Coach, that’s it! That’s all the teams. I do want to thank you for taking the time out and walking us through your TBO preview. Any last words you’d like to inspire us with, Coach?
Coach:
IT Nerd: Ahhhhh, such a lovely way to send us off! Look for us yelling at you in the Dome soon! “PUT IN RICHMOND, YOU DOPE!”
And there you have it, folks. That wraps up our 2021 Season preview. Remember to buy something from the cart girl when you see her, don’t drink the creek water and tip Bridget!
Later losers…..IT NERD
